Worry...

I'm having a hard time right now. I feel like nothing is going right. I hardly see people because I or they are either in class, or busy. Whenever I have free time I just end up sitting by myself and watching TV or spending hours on facebook, which I hate because I'm a very social person. If any of my friends and I are free at the same time, there is nothing to do in Abilene (unless we go to walmart) and so we all just sit around bored. I also feel like I am having hard time with things because I still have some problems with people my own age. I have always been really good working with kids and so I have spent much of my time with them, sort of unofficially mentoring them and just spending time with them. I know that for someone who is a few years older to hang out and just spend time with a kid is a great confidence booster and also gives them a mentor and someone that they can talk to. Don’t get me wrong, I absolutely love doing it and really get a lot from it. I have also always been very mature for my age, thus I have always loved being around and talking to adults. However, I think that since I never have really spent a lot of time with people my age, I have a hard time relating to them and have a hard time knowing what to say or do in a group. I also feel like I am losing a lot of friends that I do have because I hardly see them, not only because of college, but because I have always kind of pushed things to the side. I feel like I’m losing these connections with friends and that is really hard for me because the people I know are so important to me and I don’t want to lose connections with them and never see them again. I am such a sentimental person and this is probably one of the hardest things for me; I really miss my friends and family. I also worry too much. I worry about my friends and family, I worry that I’m not trying hard enough, I worry that nothing I do will matter, I worry that I won’t make a difference, and I worry that I don’t try hard enough to see people I know and meet other people. I worry about people’s problems and try to fix them; if I can’t fix them I feel like I should be able to. I think sometimes I almost care TOO much, I always put others before myself and will do anything to help people…but I love to help people..it’s what I’m good at and it’s what I love to do. I am constanly thinking about the people I know, and hoping that everything is ok with them, but I hate not seeing them and being able to be there for them if they need me. I also worry that I won’t make as much as a difference as I hope to make in this world. I just really want to be able to care for and show love for kids who have not been shown care or love in their lives. I wish I could be more relaxed and not get so stressed out over these things but it’s my nature, I wish I could just have had an easier time making friends when I was younger. I also feel like I think too much about things, I think too much about a girl who I have liked for so long but who doesn’t know. I wish I would have gotten to know her better while we were in the same place, then maybe I would have told her how I fell. Now I just feel like there is no possibility for anything between me and this girl who I have liked for almost 9 years. I worry that I am to reserved when it comes to participating it things that would help me meet new people. I just wish things were easier. I want to do well in college and make my parents proud, but I also worry that my college is too expensive; I could go to a different, cheaper school and get just as good of an education. I also worry that something may happen to a friend or family member and I may not be there to help them. I also am scared that I won’t be able to make a big enough difference in people’s lives, especially in the lives of children that are hurting from neglect and abuse. I wish I could start helping those children today, but I also know that I need the education in order to do that. I WILL finish college and I WILL get my degree. I am determined to do the most good that I can during my lifetime. I wish I didn’t worry so much, and I wish life could be easier, but I know that neither of those will happen. I have a real hard time being away from all the amazing people that I have in my life and I fear that I have made mistakes that have caused people to not see the real me or have caused me to push people away that I want to be closer to. I know that I am rambling and that I sound depressed but I’m not. I just need to get all these things off my chest or I’ll go crazy because I think about these things all the time..all at once. I know God’s plan for me, I know it will work out and I know he will get me through my thoughts and worries.

(I promise I'm ok, I just needed to get this off my chest) :)

ONE WEEK!

So It's only one week until Spring Break! I don't think I have ever been so excited for spring break! Weekends in Abilene are booooring! I'm hoping this week will go by very quickly, even though I have lots of work that is due this week that I have yet to start. (Procrastination-1/Simon-0) Not only and I just glad that I will be home for a week, I will have a chance to hang out with some friends and not have to worry about work. Plus I get to go to HCBC for 2 weeks in a row!! AWESOME!!! haha
Anyways, its been a pretty boring day today, I havent even got out of bed. haha It means that I do have a lot to do tomorrow afternoon, but hey, its all good! =D
Well, I guess thats it for now, theres nothing else going on that i could talk about.....
The End! ;-)

Life.

So, I think it's about time for a new blog post. =)

I'm back in Abilene, working through my second (yes second) semester of college. So far I can't really complain, but I tell ya, I can't wait to get this semester done with. So far it's been a lot more tiring than last semester was, its not terrible, just more tedious.
So now its February, the month that I get "the email." The email that tells me whether or not I have been accepted into the study abroad program. If it's a yes, then I get to go to Oxford during the spring semester of 2011 (Jan-May), which will be the longest amount of time I will have been in the U.K. since we moved to the U.S. 10 years ago. I am soooo excited about it...well at least as long as I get to go, I mean it is tuition and another fee (about $10000 plus another $4500 or so...how will i pay that $4500?!?! =/) Anyways, im sure God will provide, as he always does. So 5 months in the U.K......anyone wanna join me? =P
Spring Break-WHERE ARE YOU?! Firstly, I will be turning 19..I can't believe it..I will have been on this earth for 19 years..which is pretty close to 20...which is 2 DECADES!!!! AHHHHH!!! Where does time go?! Secondly, I am sooo ready to be home again. I miss everyone. I haven't seen many of my friends in months, and as always I miss my parents and brother, and of course I miss my large church family. =) I'm sure this semester will go by quicker than I think though so ill probably look back at this and wonder what I was thinking. haha
What else....well SUMMER!! I know its kinda far off but i'm already excited about summer! haha Firstly we are going to england (for 2 weeks) which I am so ready for. Secondly, I am going to make lots of money (hopefully) which will help me pay towards the Oxford trip. Thirdly, I have almost 4 months off!! and Fourthly (?), I am going to have soooo much time to hang out with all my friends that I havent been able to hang with in ages. I'm also excited about hanging out with and catching up with old friends I havent seen in even longer.
Well, I think I have basically covered all the way up to September in one blog post. It's time to finish up. haha
Peace! =D

Singing...

Ok. I have always LOVED to sing, but havent really had any training since my last year of choir in middle school so I'm not as good as I used to be. I was in choir from 4th grade to 8th grade and was always kinda shy on stage....well I still kinda am. lol
Anyway, tonight I actually grabbed a mic (first time since 7th grade) and sang with the Adventure Zone Worship Team. I had SO MUCH FUN!! I mean, I still love singing and I sing ALL THE TIME but I never thought I would actually be on stage. Granted it was just a rehersal for sunday, but I'm beginning to think that maybe God is telling me something, so I think I may audition to become a member of the adventure zone worship team and maybe eventually work my way up to singing other places....... idk its just a thought. =)
Time for me to go and practice some guitar and sing some more. haha
Goodnight everyone. =)

Ridonkulousness!

1) So today was totally crazy! I think I sat down about twice during my 9 hour day today at work (at Ultimate Eye Care). Of course, everyone is trying to use their 2009 insurance benefits before the end of the year. People get angry waaaay to easily, I mean its like they think eye doctors are trying to get as much money out of them as possible. Although I am so sick of people being so crazy about silly little things. I am starting to realize that no matter what the problem, I should look at their point of view (which most times is a very distorted and wrong point of view). However, by looking an another point of view, you not only learn more yourself, you are better able to help that person reach a solution. Maybe God is showing me that no matter how crazy and weird life can get, no matter how angry people make me because of their silly little complaints that dont even make sense, I still need to be gracious and loving towards them. Its a hard lesson to learn, and one that I struggle with at times, but God is improving me. =)

2)Its almost 2010!!! I actually remember the past decade! Thats right, I remember being at my Granny's house in the U.K. watching the fireworks out her back window marking the year 2000. Time really does fly the older you get. Honestly, I think this has been the most awesome year of my life yet, I have made so many great new friends, caught up with old friends, and God has really showed his presence in my life this year. I can only hope that 2010 will be better than 2009. Who knows, maybe God will put that special someone in my life ;-) , maybe I will finally further my guitar knowledge and find someone who will give me guitar lessons (up to this point, it's been me teaching myself, lol), and maybe I will actually stick to my resolutions this year. hehe
So my 2010 Resolutions:
Lose the weight I gained after having to stop TaeKwonDo
Spend more time with my friends, new and old, and more time with family
Read the WHOLE Bible
Let God show himself to others through my life
Talk to all my family in the U.K. more often
and most importantly, Live for God EVERY SINGLE DAY

These are just a few things I want to do this year. I know there will be more, I just pray that 2010 will be an amazing year and that all those I love (yes you) will be safe and will have a great year too. =)

Up To This Point

So I guess my first actual post should give some information about me and my life.
I was born on March 17, 1991 in Shrewsbury, England. I was 13 weeks premature and weighed 2lb.7oz. God blessed me with an amazing family, my Dad Colin, my Mum Sandra, and my Brother Alex. I basically grew up there for the most part but also was here in the US for a large part of my childhood. We moved to Austin, Texas on January 2, 2000 and have been here ever since. I was baptized as a child and have always been a "Christian" but nobody really practices their faith, and most of those who do only think about it every now and again or when its Easter of Christmas. I never really knew who Christ was or what he did for me until I began going to Hill Country Bible Church, but it took me quite a few years to even begin to understand who God and Jesus were as I had not grown up reading the bible or going to church. A few years ago I really began to (slightly) understand God and his works. So now, its just me-a sinner-trying to grow in Christ's image and trying to show God's amazing love through my action, words, and thoughts. I still have a hard time understanding sometimes, and I still have a hard time actually sitting down and reading the bible, slowly but surely, however I know that God is working in my heart and I am learning more and more about him everyday. I hope to continue to learn more and more about him each day of my life. I want to live for him and with him forever and ever.

Beginner Blogger

So, It seems like many people are blogging now, thus, I think I'm gonna give it a try, although I may not be very good at it..... I may post daily, or weekly, I guess we will see how it goes. I'm sure this blog will allow me to tell a little about what goes on with my life and I hope God will speak to others trough me and through this blog, I don't exactly know what I will type but I guess my fingers can figure it out. =) Let the blogging begin..........